Just fell off a train. Bad.
I smell stomach acid.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The air taste purple.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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