I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
