Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
