They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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