He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
