I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
