I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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