you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
