i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
