Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
