Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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