May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
