please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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