no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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