Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
