I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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