on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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