I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
