I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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