Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
