I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
