My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
