If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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