Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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