Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
