hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
