You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
