(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
