Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
