Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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