South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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