Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
