Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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