glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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