we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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