can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
