that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
