My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize