So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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