Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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