Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
