what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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