An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
