I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize