My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
