your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
