Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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