she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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