I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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