there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
