Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
