You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
