i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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