new low.... made out with someone while peeing
birth control should be required to get into college
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
