yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I love you.
Bad choice
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
