Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
