i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
