I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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