I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
