I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
