I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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