im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
