I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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