i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
