it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
