Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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