I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
