For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
