Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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