captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
