i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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