the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize