Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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