I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Randomize
