im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
