Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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