Well apparently he's into motor boating.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
