I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
