I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
