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As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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