I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
