We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
