What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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