I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
