so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
