get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
