What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
