I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
