Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
