Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Fuck appropriateness.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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