What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
