If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
